Crash one day ahead of schedule

I think today may have been the crash day. Well, I hope so. Wouldn’t like it if I felt worse tomorrow.

My face is all flushed and I have a rash on my chest and scalp. And I feel so tired.

I did have a great night’s sleep last night, though. It was fantastic. I really missed my bed when I was in hospital. It has this fantastic high density foam mattress. Best mattress I have ever slept on. Plus, I had my Michael’s warm body cuddled next to mine. Yesterday was the anniversary of the night he asked me to marry him, eight years ago. Best decision I ever made in my life, to say ‘yes’.

I seem to be developing an allergy to the plastic plaster they use to secure the drips with. My arm looked so angry last night. And the plaster was only on for 14 hours. I don’t know what it would look like if I had it on for the full five day course. Fortunately, it is looking better today.

I had a whole list of stuff I wanted to do today, but I feel so knackered I haven’t done any of it. It is now quarter past five (pm) and I feel like I can go to bed and just sleep for days. So tired.

My granddad is not doing well at all. When I saw him exactly a month ago, he was looking so good. I had a great visit with him and my granny. They stay in a retirement home in Jo’burg and my granddad is currently in frail care. He is battling to breathe, is losing control of his bladder and is confused. He fell down earlier in the week and hit his head. He is 87 years old this year. He seems to have a mild bout of pneumonia and bronchitis and I am so worried about him. My parents are going to Jo’burg tomorrow to see him and I wanted to go with them. But I am feeling so tired and flat now that I don’t think I’ll be up to taking the trip tomorrow.

I love my granddad so much. He is one of life’s genuinely good people and I have been so honoured to have him as my grandfather. I don’t know how much longer we will have him with us. He has prostrate cancer, that seems to be spreading and as much as I dread saying that last and permanent goodbye, I also don’t want to see him suffer a long drawn-out battle. My heart is so sore for him and my granny.

Yesterday, she asked him what she could do for him. His answer? “Just come over here and love me a bit.”

I had a good cry over that. It was so touching and sad. It sucks to be old and sick.