Maggsbunny

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I don’t know what crossed over my path yesterday, but I felt so down. But  to translate directly from a popular Afrikaans saying, today I feel pieces better.

But if this is the way that MS wants to play the game, I’ll just have to find a way around it. There’s just no way I’m giving up the gyming. Even what happened yesterday is not as bad as lying awake at night because my back is hurting too bad for me to sleep. So I decided I’ll go more often (to gym) but do less when I’m there. I’ll get out the pool before I reach that point where I can’t walk, and not after. That should work out.

I no longer have the luxury of being in denial about my illness. But that’s okay, too. Who wants to be an ostrich?

So I have limited energy. The trick is then to make what energy I do have, count. And to all practical intents and purposes, I only feel (and look) obvioously disabled if I overdo things and use up too  much energy at once. So I must work very hard at not reaching that point. Because it’s that feeling that makes me so down in the dumps.

Yesterday, in the delightful mood I was in, I was pondering existentialism. What on earth is my purpose in life? Surely it can’t be to feel sh*tty the whole time! But that was yesterday, and today I am filled with lovely motivation. (Where have  you been?) Even bounded out of bed two hours earlier than my usual time.

I can’t really go on long fasts any more because of being on the trial drugs, but as of today, I am instituting my weekly 24 hour fast again. From breakfast, to breakfast the following day. It’s supposed to be a very healthy way of living.

And yesterday, when I felt like eating a truckload of chocolate and jumping off a cliff simultaneously, I managed to keep a grip on my myself, and not totally blow my diet. I did have some toast last night, and it was an interesting experiment because this morning for the first time this week, I felt horribly stiff when I got up. So I guess it’s time to say ‘so long, farewell’ to the (heavenly) bread. I can do that… Yes, of course I can. *sob*

Now, let me be off and put some of this heaven sent motivation to good use.

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Written by Maggie

May 10, 2007 at 8:04 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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