The other day, my dear SIL commented that I am doing well, and that I seem to have changed my attitude re: my MS.
I reflected on this afterwards, and it is true. I have changed my attitude – I am coping with it better, I have more acceptance of the things which I can’t do, and more focus on the things which I can do. (A lot of which fell in the former category and now falls in the latter).
But. I cannot take credit for the change of heart myself.
It is easy to be positive when you are getting better on a daily basis. When there is no longer an onslaught of relapses or steady progression taking you down. Things which I wasn’t able to do last month, and now am able to do become the focal point in a very natural manner, with little effort from me.
I am happy for myself, but my heart hurts. For my friends (and the thousands that I don’t know personally) that have yet to discover their magical elixir. That which can tame their MS. Stop progression, or at least slow down progression sufficiently.
It is the most demoralizing thing in the whole world when you are trying everything you possibly can, and your efforts are greeted with yet another relapse or new symptom. Or the realization that something you were capable of two months ago is now out of your reach. It makes you cry and when your tears are finished, then you cry some more on the inside.
I so hope and pray that Fingolimod is going to help many, many people the way it has helped me.
Most importantly, it has given me a break from the continuous onslaught, to regroup and continue my campaign for better health with renewed vigour.