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Rocks, hard places and impossible decisions.

with 2 comments

Sometimes, my head is a terrible place to live in. lol. I can be such a contrary person. And wow – indecisiveness, thy name is Maggie.

Like today. As most of you know, I’ve been having a mini-relapse. Bless these Fingolimod trials for enabling me to ever use the term ‘mild’ when talking about a relapse. Previously, I’d have these completely hellish relapses. My balance would get all wonky, my eye-sight would start getting fuzzy, and I’d lose the ability to walk. Seriously. As in wheel-chair bound. And then there would be a myriad of other symptoms, mostly not the kind of things you’d actually talk to people about.

Enter Fingolimod trials – and suddenly, a relapse is nothing more serious than some sensory issues on my legs, and slightly in my hands.

This seems so mild compared to what I am used to, but let me tell you, it would still send the uninitiated into a screaming frenzy! It’s creepy, and you don’t now where it’s going to end at.

The thing about MS is that it’s insiduous. And unpredictable. You have to have your wits about you and keep a very sharp lookout for new developments. Like how you don’t turn your back on the sea when you’re standing on the shoreline, because you never know when a huge wave will sneak up on you from behind and flatten you.

Therein lies my predicament. Do I, don’t I. Medicate, that is. One day, I’ll wake up with electrical impulses pulsing up and down my leg, and I’ll firmly resolve to go in to hospital. Then, as the day progresses, I start feeling a little better and end up not going. Today, I was all set to go, and then Michael came home for lunch and we just ended up having the most fabulous time. When I looked at the clock again, it was time for him to go back to work.

On the one hand, I’m doing so well compared to how I was. Everyone is complimenting me on how well I am walking etc. But deep down I know that things aren’t 100% The numb, tingly feeling has crept up my leg gradually and is currently just under my butt. And let me tell you one thing, a numb butt is absolutely no fun whatsoever no matter what you’ve been told 😉

It feels like you have a permanent wedgie. You want to run away from it but you can’t. So you spend your days plucking an imaginery g-string out of your butt until one day you change tack and start plucking your hair out of your head because it’s finally driven you nuts!

Okay, I exaggerate, but only just. I definitely won’t recommend it, anyway.

While it’s just an annoyance, I could procrastinate till the cows came home. Or maybe I’ll surprise myself and book into hospital tomorrow for the drip.


Or not!

I just spoke to my neurologist (such a honey) about my predicament.

He gave me the go-ahead to have 1g or even 2, to stop the relapse.

I asked him if it’s dangerous to take the stuff with only a month since I last took it.

He was frank about it and said that it may affect the pancreas (as in my pancreas!) with increased chances of developing diabetes.

Maybe I should hang in there a little longer. I like my pancreas just the way it is!

Written by Maggie

April 3, 2008 at 4:46 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. I just love the attitude you have toward your situation. You could’ve been sitting in a corner moping and being miserable, but instead you are so positive and so informed and so FanTy (to use Wenchy’s words) about your world. Bless you heart, Maggs!!!

    LOL about the “permanent wedgie” … I must admit I had a goog giggle 😉


    April 3, 2008 at 10:06 pm

  2. Maggie, Thank you so much for the “you make my day” award! You made my day!! I only read a handful of blogs on a regular basis and you are at the top of my list. I am always interested to hear how you are doing and your sparkling personality always shines through…even when you are talking about tough days. With your great attitude, you will always be stronger than your MS.

    MS….we’re gonna kick your ass


    April 4, 2008 at 2:37 am

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